I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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