he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
