she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
