i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
