I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
