Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
