well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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