I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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