just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
