He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
