Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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