I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize