Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
