So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
