Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
