you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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