omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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