Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
