"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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