So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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