Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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