no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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