dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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