So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
