he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
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When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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