You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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