I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
