like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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