The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i now understand why vodka
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
