Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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