so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
