YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
