Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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