You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
