so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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