I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
