Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
