i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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