I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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