Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm too high and old for this...
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