So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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