I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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