If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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