Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
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possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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