Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
