What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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