im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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