The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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