it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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