I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
