U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
