I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
