I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
