I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
