Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
