Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
