He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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