Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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