My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
