I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
