You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
