the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize