I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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