I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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