Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
