He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
