If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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