so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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