apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
