I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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